titsandgrits

This drivel is not satire. It is not funny, it is not worth the internet sensation it has become, or the 300k the site's writer has been offered. Attempted comedy of this nature, akin to Carlos Mencia's brilliant schtick of "white people do this, mexican people do this" needs to stop. It pisses me off.  Also, it's been done, and it's been done better.  Remember this site? 
    I mean, some of this crap is just ridiculous: Shorts # 86, , don't most people utilize shorts for that lack of extra material quality?  I mean, don't quote me, but I think white people also like air. 
   Let's take Saint Patrick's Day #89. First of all, yes. Being that most white folks are Euro mutts, they tend to have some bit of Irish pride that conveniently surfaces around this time to get piss drunk while wearing green.  No one expects Latinos to get balls deep in the holiday.  I don't think this counts as profound observation, or marginally funny.
    Most of this crap is affiliated with upper middle class yuppies, or hipsters, (i.e.outdoor performance clothes #87 , and indie music # 41)  and most upper middle class yuppies/hipsters I'm aware of, are indeed white. But,  fortunately, they're also a minority of white people. Where's the hicks? the blue color white people? Conservatives?  A lot of this is just wrong, (marijuana # 33 , for instance is probably the most egalitarian drug ever).  
   Sites like this poke fun at a small pocket of white people in a superficial way, a) to make themselves (the white authors and subscribers) feel better, and b) to minimize the need for a real examination of race relations in the US. 
   What it does I think, is try to put white people in the same place a lot of white people put blacks. It just doesn't do it very well, or humorously.

-My waiter at lunch gave me my meal for free.
-my work is giving me 4 blazers tickets to the new orleans game next month. Front mother fucking row. 
-Evan comes back really soon
-My room mates cooked me browned acorn squash and it was delicious, even though i hate squash and anything that touches it.
-Tyler and I might be going to Maui for a week in december! oooh subjegated dark hued people and palm trees and warm beeches, Im soo there.
-Surgery is still happening and that sucks ballz, with a z.  I don't know maybe this gives me kitsch value for having a titanium screw attatched to my bone?  I think that's a pretty valid conversation starter.

The UPS guy asks me out, but Damon Stoudamire just says "nice to meet you" without making eye contact, I guess I'm in a glass house with the latter, though.  Hmmm. me thinks he's investing in one of our sustainability projects, seeing as how we're an investment banking firm.  Man, I should be a detective. Why is he still here though, wasn't he traded from the Blazers like 2 years ago due to waining performance?  Maybe he's going to invest that 8lb diamond in his left ear to something worthwhile.  Ho's wearing recyclable  40% post consumer waste thongs and organic cocaine, say.  
 In other news I've played so much scrabble with Evan/Evan's fam in the last week that when I went to sleep last night i drempt about  giant wooden letters picking a bunch of lilipution me's from a bag and rearranging us on racks.  Allison wonderland meats nerdery, i guess.

My job has tons of perks, from the free box tickets, to meeting ex Blazer Damon Stoudamire last week ,to the bonuses, editing experience, and networking I'm supposed to be doing with city government officials, etc.. BUT my latest task to fill the seats for the opening of the 11th Hour ,Dicaprio's sappy hacked up version of 'An Inconvenient Truth', is throwing me off; I feel like I could give away tickets to a fun day int he bathroom with Senator Craig faster.  

Plus I'm kind of against this slimy tactic. Our CEO agreed to buy up at least all the tickets of one full screening of the opening at cinema 21 here in Portland, why?  The producer's husband is our client.  They are asking 'green' companies all around the nation to do this, thus even if people don't go they can boast about high opening weekend sales and propell further viewership by (maybe) peeking interest.  So, getting your wealthy clients to subsidize your crappy film's opening weekend in order for it to be a pseudo success? Nice job Dicaprio.  And before you say he's  probably removed from this aspect, it's probably relevant to note he's on the board of the company that is our client (which is why we are doing it)  that asked us for this favor.  Even their website is begging you to go.  I'm not saying it's not well intentioned, I guess I'm just worried about the green revolution backlash, and how disastrous it will be. Movies about this subject need to be more than one sided (there's no orthodoxy in environmental responsibility) teer jerking documentaries with celebreties telling us we might as well shoot ourselves in the face already. 
This does not insight change.
  My Point? Desperation has never been a good sales pitch and i feel skeezy being apart of it...my bet is the movie takes  in slightly more sales than the opening weekend of 'Daddy Daycare.'  The whole thing leaves a taste of apathy in my mouth.

In addition to tutoring autistic kids for 10 hours a day, here's some other stuff that's been going on: 

Next week I will be in the New York Times. Last month I chapperoned a prom, the same weekend I served dinner at a hebrew auction fundraiser ("More beer Rabbi?"). This month I was a judge at a crawfish eating contest and saw a baby get chucked in the head with a crawfish. Did you know it is possible to eat 30 crawfish in 30 seconds? Today we refurbished a plantation house's wood floors, then we canoed in a historic canal with alligators and freshwater turtles mating all over the place. I was looking for invasive species to cut down but mostly swallowed gnats and watched elegant spiders fall on me from stretched out branches. Next weekend I will be a pie throwing victim at an elementary school carnival. The kids wear camo a lot, even the girls. I graduate from the program in 4 weeks and move back to portland the day after.   I'm so ready to tolerate hipsters, you have no idea.